“Sort it out on your own” is no longer an option for businesses when employees are in conflict. Management goals commonly include maintaining harmonious work environments that make employees happy and motivated, but how do you achieve this when people don’t get along? As teams grow and turnover happens, a variety of personalities and experiences become part of the landscape. In other words, conflict between people is inevitable. How do you, the manager, approach disputes between employees?
The answer lies in realizing the way people perceive conflict with others is influenced by many factors, including personality and what they have personally experienced throughout their lifetime. When you look at your organization, is there someone who struggles with their coworkers? Perhaps you’ve noticed that what they expect from other people is different than what they deliver? Until you think about who you are managing and what they have coped with throughout their lives, you will be unprepared, because people interpret interactions and conflict depending on what they have experienced in the past—even before they met their coworker.
No industry is exempt. For example, Jennifer managed a large chain coffee shop. Taught to pay attention to dynamics, she observed how employees interacted and communicated. When two employees, Ted and Arlene—who often travelled to work together—argued over tips, Jennifer quickly intervened, reminding them of their friendship. But this approach wasn’t effective, and Jennifer also noticed that Ted ignored Arlene while Arlene made jokes about Ted to another barista. Jennifer worried customers felt the tension. When Lee, the district manager, stopped into the café, she immediately noted the friction. Lee met with the employees independently and then jointly. Jennifer watched as Ted and Arlene returned to work, smiling and engaged in light conversation.
What did Lee do differently than Jennifer? What can you do?
1. Identify the anxiety that blocks resolution.
Lee put this into action by talking with the employees about who they are before she waded into the issue at hand. She learned that Ted had been exploited as an adolescent by people he trusted. Lee realized relationships made Ted feel vulnerable, so she reassured him that Arlene and the company cared for him and there was no intent to harm him. Lee also learned that Arlene was a single parent to two children and feared being unable to provide financially. Lee reassured Arlene that the tip situation would be resolved so she would not experience financial distress. She reaffirmed that work is a safe place.
2. Think like your employee.
This effort can be proactive, so when conflict arises, you already know your employees. Ask questions like: What do weekends look like for you? Are they busy with obligations or do you get downtime? Ask these questions with curiosity, not as though you are filling out a questionnaire! This genuine interest builds trust so that when you intervene in a dispute, they see that you care about their overall well-being.
When conflict happens, effective intervention is directed by empathy. How does your employee think about things based upon what you know about them and their life? For example, Lee knew that Arlene worried about income, so her intervention considered how Arlene needed to feel safe and secure that finances would not be jeopardized.
3. Cool your jets before taking off into problem-solving.
Let’s face it, most managers, owners and leaders find dealing with conflict between employees uncomfortable.
This prompts a reactive response, whereby we want the conflict resolved fast. Unfortunately, this approach leaves people feeling unheard, dissatisfied and vulnerable to further conflict.
Instead, slow down. When your instinct is to quell your own anxiety with a quick solution, it’s like you’re placing a tiny bandage on a gaping wound. Like Lee did, take time to meet with the affected team members individually. Consider whether the experience has made them feel unvalued or unsafe (whether that’s physically, emotionally or financially) and what would need to happen to lower this anxiety.
4. Keep the relational goal paramount.
When you are meeting individually with the employee, remember that the goal is to heal the relationship between the employees. Unless they can work in complete silos, it is helpful to think of this relationship as a necessary elastic cord that must be flexible and intact for the relationship to work. Even if you can establish distance between the two, keep in mind that unresolved conflict can ripple across teams, like smoke from forest fires. Like Lee, move from individual meetings to sitting together.
As the manager, take the lead with a calm, assertive and compassionate tone. Reiterate that you understand each of their experiences and the purpose is to find ground for resolution. Start by highlighting the positives you have heard and that you are pleased with the effort they have made to engage professionally.
5. Set a collaborative direction.
In your joint meeting, summarize what you heard from both employees and highlight the things that were the same. For example: “Jill, you mentioned that you have always worked well with Mark, and Mark, you complimented Jill about her creativity. While this disagreement has been serious, let’s not minimize the many hours and interactions that have been successful.”
Even with resolution, reinforce the collaborative direction of the company. If Mark was annoyed about having to take calls for Jill when she took lengthy lunches, and Jill felt Mark’s tone was condescending, demonstrate your commitment to maintaining collaboration. For example, “I understand you can be great workmates. To address this problem, we have created a schedule for phone coverage that does not always rely on Mark and will be sending out a reminder to the team that lunches are within designated times.”
In other words, make sure you close the loop!