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NEW YORK—Valentine’s Day can present unique challenges to relationships, and loved ones living with dementia may not be able to express themselves or remember things as they did before the onset of the illness. To help caregivers and loved ones affected by dementia, the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America (AFA) is encouraging families to follow H.E.A.R.T., five tips on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a loved one living with dementia.
“Dementia changes many facets of life—including relationship dynamics—but it should not prevent people from feeling love and affection,” said Jennifer Reeder, director of educational and social services for AFA. “There are ways families can adapt how they connect and express support, so that someone living with dementia can experience love on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year.”
AFA encourages families to follow these five H.E.A.R.T. tips to create a dementia-friendly Valentine’s Day:
Help your loved one reminisce. Reminiscent activities can help provide valuable cognitive stimulation for someone living with dementia. Go through old photos together with your loved one and describe them—who the people are, where it was taken, what the occasion was, etc. Talking about moments you happily enjoyed together—whether it’s a vacation, celebration or another occasion—is a great way to celebrate the love and special bond you share. However, avoid asking questions like, “Do you remember this?”
Enjoy flowers together. The time-honored Valentine’s Day gift of flowers can have therapeutic benefits for someone living with dementia—the scent can be uplifting and stimulate the brain. Purchase a bouquet of fresh flowers, set it on a table and enjoy the fragrance together.
Adapt intimacy. Dementia’s impact can make it difficult to do some things you once did, but there are numerous ways to maintain, restore or create intimacy, love and connection. Sharing a meal, watching a familiar movie, enjoying favorite music or just taking a walk together are all ways to help stay connected. Nonverbal cues, such as gentle touching, smiles and eye contact, can also maintain or strengthen connections with someone who may no longer be able to verbalize their emotions as before.
Reaffirm your feelings. Write a Valentine’s card and read it out loud to your loved one. Even if they can no longer grasp the full meaning, they might feel the sentiments you are expressing. The act of writing it and communicating your love can also raise your own spirits.
Talk in the person’s love language. People give or receive love through several love languages, such as touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. Know what types of gestures your loved one responds positively to and try to “speak to them” in that love language. Keep in mind that these may change over time as the dementia-related illness progresses.
AFA’s Helpline, staffed by licensed social workers who are trained in dementia care, can provide additional information and support for families. The helpline is available seven days a week by phone, text message and web chat.